My Journey Home: How a Protestant Pastor encouraged another to become Catholic12
October 24, 2013 by eneubauer
Since becoming Catholic I have spent time sharing my journey home from different perspectives. Today I want to share a truly unique aspect of my journey from being a Protestant Pastor & Missionary to becoming a Catholic writer, speaker and pilgrimage leader (while working hard at my home parish). Therefore, I have asked Shawn Small to contribute his view of my journey home.
Here is my story from Shawn Small’s perspective:
“Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.”
The sudden burst of song echoing off church walls in the dead silence caused me to jump. It was 4:15 A.M. and I had fallen asleep again on the hard pew. I roused myself awake by concentrating on the twelve white-robed brothers as they stood up and gathered in front of a lone candle in the middle of the church. Monk shadows appeared on the walls of the sanctuary.
Their final song was a little more than a whisper, but less than a hymn.
“One light burning to the break of day: You whose vigil is deed and signal- Bond and service of lives afar, seek in seeing your own blind being, peace, remote in the Morning Star.”
As Vigils came to an end, I was both exhausted and invigorated. For the next twenty-four hours, I joined the Cistercian brothers of Caldey Island, off the south coast of Wales, seven more times for hymns, prayers, adoration and worship. That day was the spiritual highlight of a summer of pilgrimages and the most physically, emotionally and spiritually challenging process I had walked through that year.
I walked back in the pitch darkness of the island to the guest house for two more hours of sleep before Lauds. As I meandered back, I began to pray for my friend Eric Neubauer. I thought aloud, “Man alive, Eric would love this.” My voice, the only sound on the island, scared some sleeping doves, who in turn startled me as they took flight.
A few years ago, Eric, a protestant pastor at the time, began to sense a call to the Catholic Church. His journey toward Catholicism began as he led a mission trip in Honduras for my organization, Wonder Voyage. We were working with both the Capuchin Brothers and the Missionaries of Charity in Comayagua. Both Orders have significant works amongst Honduras’ poorest and most marginalized citizens. During that trip, Eric had several important conversations with both the Brothers and the Sisters, and these conversations launched his spiritual journey of discovery.
Today, Eric is a graduate of Catholic seminary and the Director of Pastoral Ministries at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Catholic Church in Dallas. My friend is Catholic through and through. As Eric likes to say, “I have returned home to the Catholic Church.” And his zeal for God, the Church, and the gospel is more fervent now than at any other point in his life.
Eric says that part of his journey toward the Catholic Church was my fault. That begs the question: How did I, a protestant minister, encourage Eric to pursue Catholicism? And why am I so happy he has found his way home?
I was raised in a non-religious home with minimal exposure to Christianity; however, as a teenager, I found myself on a journey. I wanted to know if truth, in the spiritual sense, existed. Throughout my high school years, I looked into a multitude of various religious thoughts. When I was seventeen, I visited an Assembly of God church.
That Sunday morning the sermon focused on the Incarnation. I had already come to the conclusion that all religions were nothing more than a complex set of rules that one had to excel in to get close to God. I had also come to the conclusion that those rules were desperately useless. How could any man reach the Creator of the Universe with a set of rules?
During that sermon, the minister reiterated these truths. He then expressed how the Incarnation was the answer to the religious dilemma. Man can never reach God, but God can certainly reach man. Through Christ, God showed us the impossibility of our tactics to reach Him, and He shared the good news that He was reaching for us. Without Christ, I was a broken, lost man; however, Christ’s perfect sacrifice allowed me to approach God.
As my mind was satisfied with the answer I had been longing for, my heart was rent. That morning I became a Christian, and by default, a Protestant.
Feeling a call to ministry, I attended seminary and was ordained. Over the next ten years, I served as the youth minister in two hyper-evangelical churches. One of those, a mega-church in Dallas, Texas, taught me how far you can travel with a lot of religious zeal and a small amount of theological stability. The church had a dynamic charismatic preacher with a “name it and claim it” theology, who built the church to 8,000 members in weekly attendance. But this preacher also ran the whole church, absolutely. His minimal accountability and absolute power led to his eventual downfall. I left the church as he announced he was leaving his wife and was adopting an even more radical (and heretical) theology. Within three years of his “announcement”, the church was gone.
After leaving the mega-church, I was hired on at a small congregation. But the problems were still the same: a hyper-evangelical, charismatic leader with minimal accountability. With only 300 people in the congregation, I was able to think clearly, and I began to wrestle with my theological and eschatological misgivings. By year five, I resigned from the church and took a year-long sabbatical.
I felt like a foreigner in the world of Christianity, a man without a home. My search began anew. I had to find a foundation for my faith.
During my sabbatical, I started a Masters in Church History, which led to reading a heavy dose of the Church Fathers. Suddenly, I was studying theological writings that were connecting my heart to my mind. That led me to visit with a priest at the local Greek Orthodox Church. After an hour, Father Antony had answered many of my theological misgivings.
For the next year, I met with him regularly for spiritual direction. My heart settled into
Orthodox theology. Along with a plethora of other changes, my greatest theological shift came in the way I viewed the Eucharist. For the first thirteen years of my Christian faith, my worship experience was “pulpit-centric”. Church services were rated on the strength of the sermon. Now my worship was “Eucharist-centric”. The sermon may be great or it may stink, but in the end we gathered at the Lord’s Table to partake of His Body and Blood. At that moment, Christ was present. Please understand that this was a radical change in the way I viewed Christianity. And that truth transformed my entire Christian journey.
I started Wonder Voyage, an organization dedicated to the ancient practice of pilgrimage. I began to base many of my trips out of Catholic monasteries around the world. My relationship with the Catholic community became deep and significant. The liturgical experience became a vital component of my spiritual journey. I started praying the rosary. I took on spiritual discipline. I even wrote an award-winning book on the Stations of the Cross.
Orthodoxy and Catholicism continue to influence my theology and worship practices. Although I have not joined the Orthodox or Catholic Church, I remain open to the possibility. At present, I do have a local church home; however, in a sense, I remain a wandering-liturgical-Eucharistic-centric-miracle-believing-orthodox-ecumenical-Christ-following-pilgrim who encourages others to pursue their way home, wherever that may be in the Body of Christ.
Who knows, maybe I will eventually find my way home.
Thanks for sharing!
You are welcome. It has been such a fun journey. I love sharing different perspectives on conversion, the Catholic Church and the idea that at the end of the day we are all pilgrims. Shawn is an amazing friend. Thanks for your thoughts.
I think there are many of us who are “wandering-liturgical-Eucharistic-centric-miracle-believing-orthodox-ecumenical-Christ-following-pilgrim who encourages others to pursue their way home, wherever that may be in the Body of Christ.”
I believe you will indeed find your way “home” to the Catholic Church because your desire for union with Christ in the most Holy Eucharist will grow so much that nothing else will satisfy the longing of your heart. And to that I will say, “Welcome home!”
Your heart will be restless until it rests in CHRiST. And where will you find CHRiST? He’s in your heart. You just need to be conscious that He’s there. But how could CHRiST get in there? Tangibly, through the Eucharist Which the Catholic Church offers as Bread for all, through Her ministerial and apostolic priesthood, which CHRiST Himself found out of His love for you. It won’t be long till we welcome you Home. Home is where the Heart is. What a cliche, and so true!
Beautiful!! Thank-you! I concur with all of the above and especially with Magdalen. May God guide your steps always and may Mother Mary warmly mother you back home into the Catholic Church soon!
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Thanks for sharing your awesome and beautiful story. It so sounded like the Emmaus story…journeying, restless minds, hearts and spirits, hearing and sharing in the Word of God, resting, sharing a meal, breaking of the bread, and astonishment fills the air….”Where not our hearts burning…” Filled with awe, joy, peace, excitement, wonder, etc., they ran to share the Good News encounter!
May your heart and mind continue to remain open for the true encounter you’re seeking, yearning, longing, and loving. Blessings of peace, joy and love.
Thank you for your thoughts.
Brothers. At the age of 25 I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior realizing that He is what I desired all along and needed in my life. 21 years later and a decent study of the Bible I still find him being the only one that I need in addition to the church. After believing in Him I desired all the fruits of the spirit to live the life he desires for me.
I find no mention of the claims in which you speak in the Bible. Is the Bible that I have incomplete? You guys are fully aware of what I speaking about.
It is a little odd to me to follow things that to me are not of God due to a couple of experiences. Honestly I don’t understand any denomination however I am thankful for them all as they all have taught me particulars and do some things well. I find the word Christian in Acts and I derive no other word to describe myself other than brother, Saint, child of God, and friend.
Thank you for your thoughts / comment on this post. I, like you, accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and quickly realized that He was exactly what I had been searching for. At 21 I was a mess and I am glad that I found Him. He literally saved my life. In retrospect, I recognize that Christ had been chasing me for quite a long time. Finally, I responded, joined a bible study and found Hillcrest Church about 6-8 months later.
You know my story from there. What you may not know is that over the years I began longing for more. It was during this journey and in reaction to a hunger for a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ that I began visiting Catholic parishes. It was there that I found what I was looking for – a place where I could deepen my faith in Christ and my relationship with Him. This has been my experience. Since becoming a Catholic my faith experience has been revived like never before. I am not sure what faith community you choose to worship in during the week but this is where I choose to worship Jesus and express my faith.
If you are interested in looking into the biblical roots of Catholicism here are some resources: